There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
