um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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