She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
