there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
