I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
