In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
