babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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