Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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