Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She announced her abortion via fbk
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
