So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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