Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
