btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
