evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
