Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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