ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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