you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
