if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
