I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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