my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
