What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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