I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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