I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
