Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
