apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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