Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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