I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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