dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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