Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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