dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
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my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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