I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize