What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
