I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
