Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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