Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Randomize
