i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
