is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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