So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
