I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My vagina is very pro this idea
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize