I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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