you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
