In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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