Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
