I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize