When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
