dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
