Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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