just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
