oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
