Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
