I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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