take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize