There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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