Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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