Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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