she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
