Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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