My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dear god my vagina.
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