why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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