Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he puts the penis in happiness.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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