We're facebook friends in real life
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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