she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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