remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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