Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
