listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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