I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
