Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
