There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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