I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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