What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
