Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
